Light in the Darkness

When I look at the world around me, what I consistently see is a cycle of death.

Death is an inevitable reality to each of us, one of the few constants that is guaranteed, and cannot be stopped or reversed.  For some it comes sooner than for others. When a young person dies I am especially saddened, both by the reality of death and by a life never lived. Death always brings consequences, whether it is the impact on the loved ones left behind, or in some cases, far more severe consequences.  Murder often leads to revenge in the form of more murder, and the cycle perpetuates itself. We as people are prone to great evil, and as history marches on, I find this truth remains universally true: evil perpetuates more evil, and atrocities lead to revenge… lead to meting out the justice we believe to be deserved.

And then, into this mix comes Jesus.  Jesus, whose teachings go completely against the tide of popular culture and logical responses. Jesus teaches us to return good for evil. To love your enemies. To forgive those who wrong you. Not to take justice into your own hands. It makes no logical sense. And yet, when I look at the world, at the perpetual and increasing cycles of destruction and death, only where the teachings of Jesus are followed do I see life and light, a light that spreads out and touches all around it. Revenge does not solve the problem, ultimately it only brings more death; but forgiveness brings life, brings hope, brings change; it can change the cycle of death.   

In addition to teaching against the tide of culture and logic, Jesus also offers us hope. Hope that there is life beyond death, that the sorrows of this world are only temporary compared to an eternal reality- and he urges us to live in view of this reality. The Bible, the book that contains Jesus’ teachings, even boldly declares, “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

Jesus stands, a lonely figure among many, walking resolutely upstream against a rushing current, and urging us to join him.  And for those who will take the plunge, there is guaranteed great hardship, and promised great reward.

I have been thinking about one of my D&D characters (Jason), and his story.  He had an encounter recently with an odd, morose figure (a death knight) named Damocles, and over the course of their interactions Jason shared his story with Damocles. Jason’s parents were killed and his village destroyed when he was a child, and all his life he had one goal: revenge. He went on to become a soldier and fought in the war, and eventually he realized that the only person his desire for revenge was hurting was himself, so he gave that desire up.  “Whatever would make a person give up a desire like that?” Damocles wonders, and Jason gives the reason honestly and frankly: he had an encounter with the All-Maker.  

It seems strange that a single encounter could compel a person to give up a goal they have single-mindedly worked toward for 14 years. But as Jason reflected on this encounter, what he remembered was a presence so powerful, and a love so pure, that all he could do was worship. It was an experience so profound that it brought a strong man to his knees and broke down the defenses of years.

This encounter would greatly affect the events that were to follow. It was not easy for Jason to walk this new path, and as the months and weeks went by he felt as though his very foundation was being ripped out from under him. He felt lost, adrift, and undone. He was being un-made, so that he could be re-made, and his story could be redeemed.

God has been doing the same in my own life. I have lately felt undone, my foundation ripped out from under me, lost, unsure of my identity and purpose. As God has slowly led me through that valley into the light on the other side, the instrument he has used is community. We so desperately need each other. As I have seen him working through community I am reminded again and again how contrary the teachings of Christ are to the world - and how beautiful they are in contrast to the ugliness all around us.

Ready.

I was thinking today about the first novel I ever wrote.  The characters I came to love, the story I spent hours developing, the glaring mistakes (like misspellings), and the not so obvious mistakes (like how I didn’t research what it would be like to be a lawyer in the 1800’s before making my main character one).  But I wrote a book-length manuscript at the age of 16, and, if nothing else, the experience was invaluable to me.  

But then my thoughts went further back.  My husband asked me today, “What did you do most of the time, growing up?”  

And my immediate answer was, “Read.”  

The truth is, most of my free time was spent reading.  Reading before bed, reading over lunch, reading after school.  My world was peopled with the characters I encountered through literature, and reading so much did birth a desire in me to write-- but I had no idea how that desire would ever come to fruition.  I had no idea how to develop characters or construct a story.  Then one year my mom suggested a program for me called “learn to write the novel way”, which would take me through the process of writing a novel and cover a year of high school english.  I was thrilled.  Finally, I would be able to take this deep desire and make it a reality.

My first book was a result of that program, and, as I said, the experience was invaluable though the result was feeble and faulty.  

I went on to earn a creative writing degree from UNM and my writing continued to improve by leaps and bounds, but I was still making a lot of mistakes, and when I read over manuscripts from that time it is rather painful to see them.  I have tried, from that time, to consistently put out creative content.  Sometimes I have succeeded more than others.  A year and a half around the time I had my baby I barely put out anything; but in this past year I have been very happy with my creative content, mainly poured into the website devoted to Dungeons and Dragons.  But having consistent output sparks my creative mind and helps me improve in my writing, if all I am doing is summarizing a session of DnD, I still think about how to make it sound good, what literary techniques I can apply to make it sound better, how I can improve my character development, etc.  

I feel like now, at the age of 28, I have finally become a good enough writer I could finish a manuscript and seriously think about publishing it.  But the fact that it took me 13 years to reach that point is rather daunting, and now I still have to finish and attempt to publish, which is a whole other daunting mountain.  Still.  Thinking of that today, felt like an accomplishment to me.