"When I was locked inside my head
When I was lost in a maze of doubt
You called my name and woke me up
You called my name and led me out
And when I chased one more mirage
'til I was tired and parched again
You gave me one more cup to fill
You sent me one more desert rain..."
-Peter Furler, I'm Alive
I feel like I'm in a desert place right now, both literally and spiritually. I have been feeling very "dry" lately; but it seems like when I reach the place of being most dry and parched, God always sends me "one more desert rain."
A desert rain is one of the most wondrous things I've ever experienced. Rain is a rare and precious thing in the desert-- a welcome breath of moisture and freshness. It is all the more precious because of its rarity. I love to watch a desert storm, and then after it has passed and darkness has fallen, to step outside. I get the very essence of the desert then-- the cool, refreshing air, the sounds of some residual drops falling off the foliage, songs of the crickets who have ventured bravely out. But the thing I notice most is the smell. After the rain has laid the dust and cooled the dryness, the smells of the desert foliage come out with particular pungence-- cactus, sage and rosemary, various desert flowers. It is beautiful. I am in a place I never expected to be; I have gone through some things I never thought I would go through. All my dreams, my plans, my idols, are being slowly stripped away. It is a difficult and painful process, and at the end of the day it leaves me unsure of who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. It leaves me dry and filled with longing. And then, when I reach this place, God sends me one more desert rain.
Where I live, desert rain often means a heavy shower lasting for quite awhile, and when it happens the arroyos can fill with water and flash-flooding can occur. "Flooding" isn't a word one associates much with the desert, but here this flash flooding is a real danger to watch out for. Flash flooding can occur very suddenly, be overwhelming, and sweep you away if you are caught in it.
In the same way, when God sends me a much-needed desert rain, it is usually not a drizzle; it is overwhelming. When I am in this dry place I will struggle to write, pass over old, stale ideas I have thought too much about, strive in vain to come up with something new, feel discouraged about my efforts in this and everything else. But when God speaks to me, I know who I am again. He touches me, and inspiration washes over me like a flood. Suddenly I will have so many ideas I can't get them down fast enough. Everything around me inspires me with some new thought. I feel alive and eager to work.
This doesn't mean I have left the desert. I am still in that dry, desert place. I still have periods of emptiness when I desperately need God to fill me up. But He always does. Always, just at the moment I need it, God sends me "one more desert rain", and gives me the strength to go on, to take one more step.
I hope eventually He will lead me out of the desert. But while I am here He is using it; this experience will not go to waste. Being in this place of dryness increases my dependence on Him-- and when I reach the end of my strength I find the truth in His promise, "My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9, emphasis mine.)
