NaNoWriMo: An Update

I have now passed 40,000 in my word count.  As I sat back this morning after penning my 40,196th word, several realizations suddenly hit me.  The first was that, since the story is now over 100 pages, it would be difficult to go back over the entire thing in one day, like I could at the very beginning.  The other realization was that there is now a lot of story contained on these pages.  I hadn't really stopped to take stock of these things before, and doing so today made me very happy.

Before I go any further, I would like to share a little background about what started this remarkable journey.  For the past few months I haven't been doing very much writing.  Part of this was due to life being pretty busy, but a bigger part had to do with lack of motivation.  I haven't been working on any big projects in awhile, but was trying to get a couple of shorter pieces (a short story and an essay) ready to submit some places by the end of this year.  However I just wasn't feeling very motivated and was in fact rather discouraged about it all.  Things weren't going where I hoped, I only had one new story idea over the course of a few months and there was a tangle in it that I just couldn't seem to work out.  It felt like a bit of a stale-mate.

I hadn't been planning to do NaNoWriMo, mainly because I wasn't sure what to write about.  I could pull out an old story idea and try to develop it, but I wasn't too keen on that.  Or I could try writing this semi-new idea, ignoring the tangle I couldn't work out but writing it anyway and see if it worked itself out.  This didn't strongly appeal to me, either, but finally my lack of motivation in other projects caused me to make the decision.  I figured doing NaNoWriMo might spark some life into my creativity again, and if it went well, I would have the first draft of a manuscript at the end of the month.  Besides, I figured, even if it wasn't any good, I have never written 50,000 words before without learning something from the process.  It might be helpful just to focus on something different for awhile, as well.

So in the last week of October I decided to throw my proverbial hat into the ring.  I laid all my other writing projects aside, and just started pouring words out on paper.  To my surprise, it has gone remarkably well.  I began to grow more interested in my characters and the world they inhabited.  I was excited to develop that more.  I dreamed out scenes and wrote them down.  I like where the story is going.  Now that I have the story idea pretty well developed, I see the areas I need to change more clearly.  That tangle I made note of earlier has worked itself out, so in revisions I will be able to implement it into the story.  I'll be honest: it's messy.  There are long paragraphs and random conversations and short, choppy sentences... and probably too many semicolons.  But at least it is something solid now, not just a part of my imagination floating randomly around waiting for expression and development.
  
As usual when writing a story, there have been surprises.  Unexpected things have happened.  I think one of the biggest for me has been how personal the story has become.  I wasn't planning on that.  The other day I was writing a passage and the realization hit me that I was no longer writing my character's story-- I was writing mine.  Because my character was going through an experience I had been through, so I naturally understood the emotions that followed and began writing them down.  It surprised me, however, because I have struggled to write about those things before.  It has been emotional, and healing for me.  I feel like after this I can write my own story down, and continue processing through these things, which will be good.

Perhaps the biggest thing this process has done for me is that it has re-awakened my passion for writing.  Even if nothing else comes out of this story, I will be thankful for that.  As I was reflecting earlier today the thought came to me that it must look very strange to those of you looking on from the outside.  After all, these characters aren't real-- the world they live in isn't real.  So why do I get so much joy and fulfillment in writing about them?  It really doesn't change my life at all, at the end of the day my circumstances are just the same.  And the answer I came up with was, because I believe I am doing the work I was meant to do.  I think most people feel the same way when they are doing something they are truly passionate about.  That can be a whole range of things.  Science, cooking, serving, building, programming, painting, dancing, music.  Whatever God calls you to do.  When you are doing it, there is a certain excitement which only such work can evoke.  So while it might seem strange, might not make sense that what makes me passionate is entering into the worlds of my imagination and putting them down on paper, perhaps you can understand it from the perspective that this is the passion that God has put inside of me-- and in it's fulfillment, there is joy. :-)

A Writer Again

I have been struggling some lately with knowing who I am... my identity, specifically, my identity as a writer.  It's odd, identity is never something I have really struggled with before (which I am thankful for.)  And ever since I was fifteen years old I had my eyes on a goal and walked unswervingly toward it.  Writing.  But lately I have not really felt like a writer.  My creative impulse has seemed to have waned.  Life events intervened as well-- work, housework, and other events.  It was hard to find concentrated amounts of time to devote to writing.  I hadn't had any new ideas in awhile.
So as National Novel-Writing Month loomed I wasn't sure if I was going to participate or not.  I had an idea that I had been thinking about for awhile, but I still didn't feel it was very well developed and I wasn't sure it would go anywhere.  Should I try it?  I tried this "fly by the seat of your pants" method once before, in 2008, with moderate success, and out of that effort I created some of my favorite characters to date.  But other times I have tried it have been a flop.  My other successful NaNoWriMo effort came with lots of planning, outlining, and plot and character sketches.
I deliberated all the way up to the last part of October.  But there is just something about creating a story and challenging myself in conjunction with thousands of other writers, so I decided I'd try.  To my surprise, it has gone well so far.  I am not ahead of my word count, but I have kept up with my goals, and so far I love how the story is developing.  And I think I have plenty of plotline left to continue working it out-- hopefully all the way to 50,000 words!  And the creative impulse and the joy of writing has been awakened in me again.  I feel alive again... excited... happy.  Eager to pursue the storyline further.
Then, today, something else happened which made me very excited.  I came up with a new story idea.  I haven't come up with a brand new story idea in a very long time, and that fact has been kind of discouraging to me.  I forgot how amazing it is to have an idea come-- suddenly I see characters and scenes and I am following them through various events and eager to see what happens next.  In this case it came through a dream.  I woke up out of a vivid dream this morning and suddenly there was a scene and characters I wanted to know better.  I have been following them most of the day and I love these characters.  I can't wait to find out more about them.  It is so cool to suddenly have new characters that you love to add richness to your life-- and re-affirm your love of writing and joy in creation of stories.
I feel like a writer again!  It makes me so happy :-)