Forgetting what is behind

“You’re shattered

Like you’ve never been before

The life you knew

In a thousand pieces on the floor.

And words fall short in times like these…

So get back up, take step one

Leave the darkness, feel the sun

‘Cause your story’s far from over…

Tell your heart to beat again,

Close your eyes and breathe it in.

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace.

Yesterday’s a closing door

You don’t live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you’ve been

And tell your heart to beat again…”

-Danny Gokey, ‘Tell Your Heart to Beat Again’

Lately, this song has meant a lot to me.  I just finished a griefshare class I took at the suggestion of my pastor, because I want to start something similar at my church.  What I didn’t know, as the events of the past several months have unfolded, was how much I needed this class for me.  There is something about having experienced grief that draws people together.  Saying goodbye tonight was definitely emotional.  And now I look ahead.  

This has been such a theme for me lately.  I feel like God is saying to me, “Laura, press on, run toward all that I have for you.”  What struck me was that he didn’t say walk, he didn’t say leisurely stroll, he said “run.”  It reminds me of Philippians 3:13-14, which says “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  That verse has been on my mind so strongly lately.  Over and over in my mind it’s replayed forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  Laura, run toward all I have for you.  Embrace the plans I have for you.  Grieve what needs to be grieved, but don’t get mired in the past-- in memories, in regrets.  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  

I have been accepted to UNM as a non-degree student, and I am signed up for my first two classes this fall.  Now I need to begin getting everything together that I need for my official grad-school application.  It’s hard for me to believe that just over a year ago this wasn’t even on the horizon, but God has changed me, given me new hopes, dreams, and plans.  As I have looked into this program, I am incredibly excited to enter it.  I am excited to embrace this opportunity to the fullest, and when it is done, to make a difference in the lives of students, for as long as God allows me to do so.  I want to run toward that.  I want to embrace it.   It's time to tell my heart to beat again.

New Season

A new season has begun.  I hope I'm ready.
Seasons have come and gone in my life.  College, marriage, Village Inn, writing, motherhood.  Studying, working, staying at home.  And now, strangely, it seems like writing has come to the forefront again.  I didn't expect it.  Oddly enough, so often it seems like it is not until I give up my dreams that God allows them to come to pass.  I had given up the dream of really pursuing my writing; and then, unexpectedly, God has brought it to the forefront again.  I am applying to UNM's MFA Creative Writing program in the fall.  It is so exciting, and so intimidating.  I have to finish some writing samples for the classes I am taking in the fall.  I need to get advised and figure out all the little details which seem kind of overwhelming right now.  And then I have to try and wrap my mind around it all.  I can't believe I will be going back to UNM, eleven years after I started there as a freshman, and going back to school again.  I love UNM so much and I am absolutely thrilled.  Their MFA program looks like it will fit me beautifully.  And suddenly, my writing is at the forefront again.  I have also been accepted as a contributor to the Albuquerque City Mom's blog, I am still maintaining the DnD website, and I have several pieces to finish up as gifts.  I had put writing to the side for awhile, and now it is coming to the forefront again.
We are living in a new place.  Our lives are shifting, changing.  Change is hard for me.  The adjustment has been very difficult.  But I feel like I am finally beginning to see a little light in the darkness.  And apparently, the clarity on the other side has to do with me taking up my pen once again.

It's strange.  I have changed so much this past year.  A year ago, grad-school wasn't even on the horizon.  I really didn't have any desire to go.  And then God changed me-- literally changed my personality, in an instant.  Suddenly, I had different dreams, different desires, different plans.  God made it very clear that He wanted me to go to grad school and then teach.
I have been looking over some of my old stories lately, and tonight I listened to a couple of songs from Michael W. Smith's The First Decade, which is an album I listened to a lot when I was writing my first novel.  Wow.  His music sounds SO 80's.  It was a strange revelation that I didn't care for it anymore.  My style of music has changed; I have changed; my desires have changed.  It is a new season.
So let's do this.