I'm sorry for my blogging absence lately.
Were I asked to describe the place where I'm currently at, a lot of things come to mind.
I am in a place of adjustment.
I am in a place of change.
I am in a place of struggle.
I am in a place of peace.
I am in a place of inspiration.
I am in a place of searching for inspiration.
I am in a place of excitement about the work God has called me to.
I am in a place of emptiness. Knowing there is no good thing in me, yet praying that God can somehow use me.
I am in a place of seeking.
I am in a place of waiting.
I am in a place of chasing after my dreams.
I am in a place of waiting for certain dreams, and working toward them.
This past week we had the privilege of traveling to Kansas City for James' brother's wedding. It was wonderful to forgather with the Holland side of the family and visit and catch up and celebrate together. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever attended. It was simple and lovely and peaceful and joyful. I rejoice for the new-made couple and am excited to welcome a new sister-in-law into the family. I was also reminded of James and my wedding and marriage vows. So it was a place of joy, reflection, and excitement.
It was a little hard to come from that and go back to work, where things were in shambles and tempers were short. That first day back was hard, and yet God blessed me. It was not busy so I did not have to stay late. And I remembered that even when it is difficult, it is a place where God can use me to make a difference. My challenge these past several days has been contained in the verse, "A life hid with Christ in God"-- what does that really look like, and how is that played out every day, at work and at home?
I have been a little stressed lately because of everything going on. The wedding, the trip, getting ready to move, James starting a new job, balancing work and writing. There's a lot going through my mind.
I have been feeling inspired with my writing, but I have also struggled. I have made good progress on my story. I know my characters... I have begun walking more and more in their shoes, and seeing things through their eyes and understanding who they are. I long to bring them to life so others can see them as I do, know them as I do. But therein lies the struggle. How can I do that? It feels so daunting. I have also been struggling with the beginning of my story (that's the part I always have the most trouble with.) Have I really written these scenes in a way that is realistic? How should I structure these first few scenes? Would they draw the reader in? Etc. I keep going over and over them in my head, trying to work them out. I haven't quite gotten there yet, but I am getting closer. What brings me closer is really getting into my character's shoes, which can be exciting as well as difficult, sometimes. Like tonight. I was in a very different place in my real life than my character's were in their lives. I was in a place of joy; they were in a place of sorrow. I was struggling to find balance between the two.
On top of all this there is baseball... I am rather disappointed with some of the decisions the Cubs' new manager, Dale Sveum, has been making. But some exciting things have been happening, too. It's neat to see some of the younger players really coming into their own, and the past several games against the Cardinals have been exciting (as Cubs/Cardinals games usually are.)
And so that's a bit of a look into my mind, into what's going on right now. A lot of different emotions.
